Journey to Beautiful
"Why is your skin so dark?"
"Why doesn't your hair flow in the wind like mine?"
"Why are your legs so big?"
These questions posed by curious first graders had a critical impact on me in school. As the only little girl of color in my class, I always felt I didn’t belong at a private Catholic School. While it prepared me academically, my school fell short in nurturing me emotionally and culturally. I questioned myself, asking over and over if I had the qualities, the gifts, and the attributes of my peers. The same questions followed me to high school. It was difficult being questioned about who I was, while still trying to figure myself out.
When I was not being questioned about my complexion, I was being complimented on my contagious laugh and outgoing personality. Although it made me feel better, I always went home to the mirror in search of ways to change my appearance and have the entire package. I used flat irons to straighten my hair and plastered my face with makeup. Altering my appearance to conform to my environment was not the route to embark upon. The heat from flat irons damaged my hair and my skin became irritated with visible patches. I interpreted these as signs from God that, who I was trying to become, was not who God created me to be.
I had an epiphany during the summer of 2014 that made me realize I am beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. I volunteered at a soccer camp founded by my father on the island of St. Vincent. As the only female coach and player on the field, I received many stares and pointed fingers. When I asked a fellow coach why everyone was staring, he replied, it was rare for them to see a talented young girl on the soccer field. Usually they were home cooking and having babies. I was appalled. At that moment I knew I had to be a role model to the island girls and show them that they too could play soccer and it wasn’t just a man’s sport. By the end of the camp, five preteen girls joined me and the numbers doubled the following year. Through the platform of sports, I began changing their perspectives on traditional customs and accepted cultural norms. My next goal was teaching them to know their worth.
I created Girl Talk sessions to provide a forum for the girls to talk freely and express themselves. In those sessions, I led talks about sisterhood, confidence and self-love. I wanted to change their lives, but they changed mine. During one particular session this past summer, I asked the girls to write down five things about themselves. One little girl said she was ugly. My heart stopped. There I was facing this girl who was peering into my soul and saying she was ugly.
“Oh honey!” I said grasping her hands, “You are so beautiful! Don’t you ever call yourself ugly and don’t listen to anyone that calls you ugly.” My eyes filled with tears, as I saw my own reflection in her eyes.
My paradise is a big rock in the middle of the Caribbean Ocean that is unknown to much of the world. From the black coastal sand to the peak of the volcano, St. Vincent and the Grenadines is where I am unrestricted to be myself. On this island I found freedom, happiness, and love for myself. I found it while helping others find it themselves. It took seeing my reflection in a little girl’s eyes to free her and myself. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I answered the questions.
“Who are you?”
“Why are you different?”
My name is Lauryn Ademorenike Taiwo.
Gifted athlete. Focused student. Leader and mentor. Beautiful inside and out.